COVER LETTER
Dead letter office

The check/bill/incriminating photos/med form/tax forms/alimony/child support/blood sample/fingerprints/lease/social security info/lock of hair/sex toy/palimony/criminal record/transcript/resume/underwear/keys/ebay item/Cuban cigars/finger of the hostage/rent/bride/steaks

that you requested/lost/subpoenaed

is/are/was/were currently/formerly in the mail and should/should not arrive within/outside the next/preceding 3 to 145 business days.

Thank you for your concern/help/business/rectal exam, and have a nice day/evening/ night/horrifyingly-painful-death-involving-spiders-and-poison-and-fire-and-screaming.

Sincerely,

Diego Rodriguez/Brady Richards/Billy 8-Ball/Babs McGruder.