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CHECKING OUT
A trip to the so-called Express Lane
People should not be allowed to write checks at a supermarket during the lunch or dinner rush. Today I went to Wegman's (a supermarket found throughout central NY, and in the opinion of many, the greatest supermarket in all the galaxy) for lunch and stood in line in the so-called "Express" Lane for a full five minutes while this woman, one person ahead of me, wrote a check for something unfathomably stupid. I think it was a bag of peanuts or something. With all the cash and credit cards in the world (the transaction times of which are far superior), why would somebody take the time to write a check? Go to the bank and get money, you jerk.
Apparently, there is no concern for those of us that want to buy, say, a salad and then get the hell out so we can get back to work and get something done. Instead, I stand around in the "Duress" Lane for half the afternoon while this tweaker ahead of me writes a check for $1.39. Ringing up the merchandise takes time. Writing the check takes time. Feeding the check into the machine takes time. "Oh, you forgot to sign the check, blah, blah, blah." Meanwhile, I'm a full three-quarters of an inch shorter for not having moved in what amounts to a virtual eon.
And yes, I DO know of at least one reason why people write checks in some (hopefully higher-priced) situations: [fraught with anxiety] "I don't have enough in my account right now to cover the cost of that which I want to buy. So I'll write a check now which will take three days to process. By that time, I will have received and deposited my paycheck, thereby circumventing any possible financial embarrassment." No. This is NOT acceptable.
Here are some simple rules to follow:
1. Never write a check that will cost more to process than the actual amount of the purchase.
2. If you have to write a check because you don't have the funds to cover what you're buying, you shouldn't be here holding up the line, you should be out working.
3. Be considerate and don't screw up the otherwise super-efficient flow of my lunch hour.
4. If you really need that 128 oz. Mountain Dew Super Mega Big Gulp and have no choice but to write a check, ask me and I will happily donate two bucks to the cause so I can get the hell on with my day.
--Bill Sakran also hates The Family Circus.
By Bill Sakran
042401