 |
Hard Copy
Version
COMMENTARY
ET CETERA
DISPATCHES
LISTS
FEATURES
CORRECTIONS
MAILBAG
REVIEWS
NEUNER
OLEAR
RICHARDS
STERNE
MASTHEAD
CONTACT
SUBMIT
SUBSCRIBE
ARCHIVES
|
|
|
CORRECTIONS
Mistakes from last week
Corrections for March 6
The answer to the Crypt-o-Quip should have been, "Because he smelled bad."
Our "Advice From the Stars" page mis-attributed the quote "All you have to do is be happy with the person in the mirror," to Demi Moore; it should have been Alpha Centauri.
The "Warnings" Page neglected to list one common side effect of using our home brand of ibuprofen. The omission is, "Certain Death."
The "Larger Ego Bookstore" mistakenly said that tote bags would be available at the Council of Trent, which closed in 1563. They should be available, however, at the next gathering of revision of the Bern Convention, date to be determined.
The vehicle ridden by General MacArthur in the photo on the "Military Images" page was misidentified as a Chevy Camaro. It is, rather, a brown horse.
Corrections for February 27
"Modern Health" contains an error. "Nougat" is not a vitamin.
On our "Legal Facts" page, we cannot prove any of our claims.
Our Masthead mistakenly lists Jesus as a senior editor. He is actually
just an associate editor.
On our "Investigating Asymptotes" page, the formula examining the phrase, "The more the merrier" turns out to be true only until 374 people are present, at which point "merrier" becomes "major headache," making it more of a parabola.
There was a mistake in the "Take Your Child to Work" editorial. Children should not be taken to work, unless they are very quiet, agreeable children who know how to copy and fax and are unaware of local and federal labor laws.
Corrections for February 19
In "Oscar the Grouch," Greg Olear misses the point of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, which is the best movie of 2000. He failed to understand that there is indeed a powerful story about duty vs. love -- on a number of levels -- as well as the theme that the heart must be tempered by the mind, and vice versa. Having no background in martial arts movies, he also does not realize that each character's fighting styles reflect their personalities and foreshadow what will become of each of them as they all seek their Green Destiny. The other editors regret this oversight.
On the "Pyromania for Beginners" page, we omitted the fact that arson is illegal in most states.
On the "Science Facts" page, we listed the Schrödinger Wave Equation as being discovered by Heisenberg. It was, in fact, discovered by Schrödinger himself.
On the "Literature Today" page, we falsely cited Ronald Reagan as the author of Finnegans Wake. It was written by a random word generator.
On our "Ask Edith" page, it was a mistake for there to be no Edith to answer the questions.
The man behind the "The Good Doctor: You and Your Health" page is actually not a doctor in the medical sense, but rather a doctor of Divinity. Actually, he's more of a candidate to get his doctorate. In the sense that he is still waiting to hear back from schools to which he's applied. We think his name is Howard Something, or maybe Something Howard, though two of us are pretty sure Howard is his first name.
Corrections for February 13
In the Crossword, the answer to 5 across, "Sound of a drowning cat," should have been "Mrraaxtllmrgurlffflmph." Which makes 14 down, "extreme dryness of the conjunctiva," "xeropthalmia."
In "Word's Worth," Mr. Olear did not intend to be so niggardly with quotations when he cited LeGuin's The Left Hand of Darkness.
In "Saudi Arabian Nights," Mr. Neuner claimed that "the greatest thing about living in Saudi Arabia is the bidet in my bathroom." The greatest thing about living in Saudi Arabia is, of course, having a palace, bodyguards, and the adoration of the people. However, this is for Saudi Arabian kings only.
On the "Math Made Measley" page, x should have equaled 7, not 8.
On the "Building Your Own Sweat Shop" page, step eleven mistakenly recommended providing a fire exit.
The average human stomach can hold 111 marbles ("aggies"). Our apologies to Mr. Earl Walker of Kalamazoo, Michigan.
The editors would like to rescind their prediction that Dale Earnhardt, Sr. will win seven more races this year.
Corrections for February 6
In the "Ex-Hume Cronyn" list, Mr. Sterne neglected to report that Jessica Tandy is dead.
On the "Whodunnit" page, Mr. Richards accused his co-worker of taking his good pen. It turns out that the pen was in the bottom of Mr. Richards's bag, under the umbrella.
On the "People in the News" page, the editors regret anything that might be misconstrued as libel.
On the "Do-It-At-Home" page, sumac was recommended as a substitute for saline solution. Sumac should be used for this purpose only if painful blindness is desired.
On the "Ethics" page, we explained the virtues of finding common ground in the dispute about cab fare. After thinking about it for a day, the editors now feel that yeah, you really should've just punched the guy in the face.
Corrections for January 30
On our "Film Capsules" page, we name Chocolat as a recommended movie. This is undoubtedly a terrible, terrible mistake.
The "Your Life" page erroneously says that "there is no reason to keep living." There are, in fact, a couple of reasons, one of which is Sunday brunches.
Our "Biology Yesterday" page claims that horses are made of cottage cheese. This assertion is unsubstantiated.
On our "Special Promotions" page, the line reading, "Subscribe to Larger Ego and receive $100.00" should have said, "Subscribe to Larger Ego."
The editors regret never having called their prom dates afterwards. Sort of.
And the week before that...
On the Lists page, Charles forgot to mention that Jasper Tatum is a Communist.
On the Origami page, figure 3R was mislabeled. Tab 41A7 should insert into slot XRLM879, not OC1013D7.
The Apocalypse Page mistakenly identified today as the Last Day On Earth.
It is untrue that the success of a cheese tortilla casserole depends upon the number of naked people involved in the cooking.
Our Cultural History page mistakenly identified the Nazis as the rightful inheritors of the earth. The correct group is "the meek."
And the week before that...
On the "Lists" page Charles neglected to mention that his mentor, in addition to saying, "The art of listmaking is the art of revision," also told him, "Sex is More."
In the Mailbag, Jordan Schreiber forgot to include Adolph Hitler as another native-born New Mexican. Adolph Hitler is actually not from New Mexico, Mr. Schreiber.
On the "Obits" page, the editors mistakenly listed you as deceased.
It is not true that the more you wind a cat's tail, the happier it gets. In fact, recent Larger Ego laboratory tests seem to conclude the contrary.
On the "Getting There" page, directions to the subway were incorrect. You should take a left, not a right.
The "Rumors" page hinted that Elizabeth Taylor would be drunk and quite ludicrous for her presentation at the Golden Globes. As there was no doubt to the matter, it was technically not a rumor, and should have been relegated to our "Facts" page.
On our "Facts" page, we were apparently incorrect in the statement that "Nobody is stupid enough to give the Golden Globe to Gladiator over Traffic, or to Tom Hanks or Julia Roberts."
And the week before that...
On the Corrections page, it was corrected that "On the Corrections page, it was corrected that in 'Bill of Rites, it was erroneously conjectured that Hillary Clinton would be found in bed "with a hunky G.W. student-athlete named Biff. He would be from American University. He will actually be from the University of Maryland."' He will, in truth, be enrolled at the Naval Academy in Annapolis." It should have read, "She will, in truth, be enrolled at the Naval Academy in Annapolis." And yes, her name is Biff.
On the Religion page, the passage, "I am brother to dragons, and a companion to owls. My skin is black upon me, and my bones are burned with heat. My harp also is turned to mourning, and my organ into the voice of them that weep," was mistakenly identified as Job 30:33-35. It is Job 30:29-31.
Also on the Religion page, the passage, "For I care not for kumquats and artichoke, as he who rides the horse of ruin expects it of me, and in this expectation there is but death and the stretching of souls," was mistakenly identified as Ecclesiastes 10:7. In truth, my fiend Carl said it.
In "2001: Year in Preview," the Reds are identified as the winners of the World Series. They will, in fact, lose.
On the Arachnids page, figure 3.1 was mistakenly labeled, "Brown Recluse Spider." The image depicted is actually Delacroix's "Liberty Leading the People."
In the column, "How the Grinch Stole Hollywood," Mr. Olear comments, "It's enough to make me nostalgic for Titanic." What he meant to say was that Titanic is also a piece of garbage.
And the week before that...
In the movie "On The Green," Christina Ricci was erroneously named as a cast member. The correct name is Liv Tyler.
On the Technology page, it was incorrectly listed that an approved use of the Yerpin Rocket-X Hairdryer is "to electrocute your little sister."
On the Mailbag Page, Brian Kaulig wrote, "Please try to be more fair in your dealings with political issues in the future. According to Tom Daischel [sic], Americans want more bipartisanship. I believe they want more nonpartisanship, but that's another issue." The editors regret any unintentional language that led our readers to think that we give a damn about what kind of partisanship Americans want.
On the Corrections page, it was corrected that in "Bill of Rites, it was erroneously conjectured that Hillary Clinton would be found in bed 'with a hunky G.W. student-athlete named Biff. He would be from American University. He would actually be from the University of Maryland.'" He would, in truth, be enrolled at the Naval Academy in Annapolis.
And from the week before that...
In "And Justice for Naught," numerous references to George W. Bush accidentally omitted the word "blithering."
In "Articles of Death," Articles XI and XII were incorrectly transposed. Also, it is untrue that Mr. Richards will be sexually inactive after his death.
On the Corrections page, it was corrected that in "Bill of Rites," it was erroneously conjectured that Hillary Clinton would be found in bed "'with a hunky G.W. student-athlete named Biff.' He would be from American University." He will actually be from the University of Maryland.
On the Letters page, "Hit and Run the Treadmill" neglected to mention that the writer, Rich Lospinoso, proceeded to break into the woman's car and leave a pile of steaming feces on the driver's seat. In Owen P. Robinson's letter, "'NSync Was Started in Flori-Duh," there are several misspellings of the band's name. It is, of course, *NSync, not 'NSync. The editors regret the mistakes.
Jokes Page: The joke about the bartender and the mailman had the wrong punchline. It should have read, "That's not a duck, that's the cubed root of eight," rather than the incorrect, "Unplug this product from the outlet prior to cleaning. Use a damp, lint-free cloth. Avoid aerosols or liquid agents."
--compiled by LBR
|
|
