Version
COMMENTARY
ET CETERA
DISPATCHES
LISTS
FEATURES
CORRECTIONS
MAILBAG
REVIEWS NEUNER
OLEAR
RICHARDS
STERNE
MASTHEAD
CONTACT
SUBMIT
SUBSCRIBE ARCHIVES
98 DEGREES OF SEPARATION
Where have you gone, David Cassidy?
Question: If you witness Chris Kirkpatrick, Joey Fatone, Lansten Bass, Justin Timberlake, and J.C. Chasez taking on A.J. McLean, Howie Dorough, Nick Carter, Kevin Richardson and Brian Littrell, you are watching:
a) Yakima vs. Quad Cities in a CBA basketball gameb) Andover vs. Choate in the prep school debating club finals
c) Georgetown vs. Syracuse in college "Family Feud"
d) 'N Sync vs. The Backstreet Boys in a Battle of the Bands The answer is (d). (That's right, Dear Reader; 'N Sync really does have a member named Joey Fat One). The point here is that while people recognize the names of boy bands, the boys in the band are more often than not anonymous. Boy bands are like the Wonder Twins. Individually, they are mortal. But with their fellow bandmates and enough rouge, they have super powers. Justin Jeffre, for example, with his goatee and I'm-so-handsome swagger, looks no different than most guys who hang out on the Upper East Side. The only way you could distinguish him from the denizens of, say, Bear Bar is that he sounds better crooning along with the jukebox. But give him Jeff Timmons, the brothers Lachey, and some eyeliner, and sooner than you can say, "Wonder Twin powers activate," every female in sight swoons. I know this because Jeffre and his chums comprise 98 Degrees, which headlined the tree-lighting ceremony at Rockefeller Center last Wednesday. 200,000 people, many of them hyperventilating teenage girls, waited for hours, proverbial sardines packed into a few city blocks, to cheer on four guys that would look more at home cruising the L.I.E. in an IROC than entertaining (for wont of a better word) such a sizable crowd. Most distressing about 98 Degrees and their brethren is not the derivative musical stylings -- we don't expect new ground to be broken by anyone whose song titles include "Because of You," "The Hardest Thing," and "All I Have to Give" -- but their look: when I was a teenager, girls fainted at the sight of Duran Duran and other glam rockers, who far surpassed the current crop musically as well as sartorially. What happened to the feathered hair-dos, the purple eye shadow, the women's clothing? Since when does casual dress extend to the pop music industry? I'm no dandy, but I have snazzier get-ups than the black jeans, Gap button-downs, and long leather jackets Jeffre et al. sported last week. Obviously, Yours Truly is out of touch. Researching this week's column, I've learned a few things about boy bands past and present, and I have spotted some trends: If your name is Justin, you have a very good chance of getting into one of these groups. If your name is Jordan, you don't even have to audition. Backlash is inevitable. Boys, ever competitive, view the Tiger Beat cover boys as rivals and want them eliminated. Girls, ever fickle, obsess about newer kids on the block. Record sales plummet. Likenesses of the band appear on MTV's "Celebrity Death Match." Web sites dedicated to the band's extinction appear on the Internet. According to Yahoo's search engines, there are almost as many anti-Hanson Web sites as there are legitimate fan pages. Mmm-bop, indeed. One boy typically survives the carnage to remain in the public eye, usually by distancing himself from his mates. This is good news if you're the Donnie Wahlberg in the band -- that was him, believe it or not, shooting Bruce Willis in the opening sequence of The Sixth Sense (what is it about the Wahlbergs appearing in their underpants?). But if you're Danny Wood or Joe McIntyre, better not blow all your money on blackjack and blow. Often, the survivor prolongs his fame by attaching his fortunes to a comelier, more talented female artist. Bobby Brown, the stalwart member of New Edition, still makes the tabloids, if only by mistreating Whitney Houston. Justin Timberlake, well aware of this trend, is reportedly dating Britney Spears, who, if she doesn't have the longevity of Madonna, will certainly be around when 'N Sync is featured on VH1's "Where Are They Now?" Sometimes it takes awhile for that one member to shine. It took five different strains of Menudo before Ricky Martin fever infected America. The original members are in their late 30s now, and very jealous. So what will become of The Backstreet Boys and their ilk? In about ten years they will usurp seminal teen idol David Cassidy on the A-list of washed-up celebrities cable stations use for interviews relating to fleeting fame. But in this incarnation, their voices will be accompanied not by beat boxes and synthesizers, but violins.
By Greg Olear
120500