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Top Seven Waffle House Locations
1. 150 Sandy Springs Circle, Atlanta, GeorgiaThe scene of the infamous Buffett-Allman jukebox war of 1993. 2. I-75, Exit 62, Georgia
Have you ever seen a man stick his entire forearm into his mouth all the way up to his elbow? I mean, have you? Well if you haven't, drop in here during the 12-8 shift and ask for Bette Davis. They'll know what you mean. 3. 1250 Kolaweechee Avenue, Dothan, Alabama
The hashbrowns here, made famous by legendary fry cook Jasper Tatum, are about yaaay thick…Highly unconventional…Yes, that's right, that thick….What, you don't believe me?…Wanna try a sample…C'mon, eat it. It won't hurt…See, that's more like it…Excellent flavor, huh?…You like the smothered and covered, don't you?…What, you're feeling ill?…Don't be silly, of course those were potatoes…Waffle House would never condone serving…[Waffle House, Inc. executive interrupts: "Here's a riddle: Why do all Waffle Houses have locks on their doors when everybody knows that all Waffle Houses are open 24 hours a day? A free patty melt to whoever gets it right."] 4. I-81, Exit 98, Blacksburg, Virginia
Home of the fried Hokie. Beware, though, of these stoned and wily Virginia Tech students putting "Waffle Do-Wop" by Eddie Middleton ad infinitum on the jukebox. 5. I-85, Exit 44, Garrett, South Carolina
"Get that hangdog look off your face, honey….Deb doesn't like to see a frown on any of her customers, sugarpop. Can I help you with some coffee. Cream and sugar all right, babyplum? How 'bout a peck on the cheek? Here let me slide on over…Hey where you going? You forgot your briefcase." Deb goes to the window staring longingly out the unwashed windows, the dust on the glass barely masking her tears. Deb realizes at that moment that she will never see him again. Cue "Brass in Pocket" by the Pretenders. 6. Piedmont Road and Sidney Marcus Blvd., Atlanta, Georgia
Where jaded hipsters come to meet and greet, fake like they're writing poetry, and talk about how britpop died when Damon left Justine. "It just hasn't been the same, man." 7. I-10, Exit 132, Templeton, Arizona
A Waffle House in Arizona. That's like having a croquet match on the moon. It just doesn't figure.
By Charles Sterne