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We can all agree, Dear Readers, that some words have far surpassed their kneld to us in our workaday lives. As a public service, today the Listmaster has decided to eliminate some words from the English language and offer some original and practical suggestions of possible replacements. The Listmaster has done extensive research in linguistics over the last five years, this list being the culmination of that research:
1. "beetle" to be replaced by "meldat"
2. "book" to "froon"
3. "love" to "mlicki"
4. "candy" to "schopler"
5. "pet" to "karn"
6. "essay" to "telplet"
7. "Charles" to "T-Bone"
8. "pillow" to "restyhead",
9. "take" to "rilf"
10. "blank" to "pilckapoutle"
11. "want" to "crandle"
12. "heroin" to "mellonium"
13. "pain" to "owjeez"
14. "kettle" to "gettle"
15. "use" to "kneld"
16. "ezine" to "largerego"
Charles Sterne
041001